“When you are willing to feel it, you will heal it.”
I used to be pretty bad at handling my emotions. I’ve gotten better at it, but at times they still get the best of me. I am human after all.
That quote has pretty much become my mantra that I say every morning since I miscarried. Realizing that I can’t push these feelings aside and that it’s ok to be sad, angry, move on, be happy, and sad again…I know it’s all part of the healing process.
I’ve been pretty well for the most part, but for the last couple of days I’ve been kind of a roller coaster. My work, family, and my awesome friends bring me such joy, and then there were times that something would remind me of the loss.
Today, out of the blue, my three year old drew a picture of me. She said it was me and that little person in my belly was the baby.
“She has a sad face because she’s sad she couldn’t come out and died.”
Ugh. Talk about sticking a knife in your heart. She’s never brought this subject up since the day it happened. So I was a little taken aback by it, but I realized this was her way of coping with it.
I let myself think about it for a bit and how my kiddos were also affected by this. Then I picked myself up, repeated my mantra, and went on with my day.
See, we all have a choice. You can let things get to you and let it really affect your day to day without doing anything about it. Or, you can be proactive, acknowledge it, accept it, and move on. Life will continue to happen around you. I want to happen to life, not let life happen to me. I will not allow that anymore.